Hamster WheelPosted on: April 8, 2020
My mind is whirring, sparking like an electric storm in full charge.
Exhaustion seems to seep from every bone. I’ve tirelessly worked and done all I know to do. You’ve given me the strength, energy and focus to get it over the line. And as my tired head is ready to hit the pillow, I long for the security of your arms and the peaceful sleep that will follow. I pray out that wish; the wish for your presence to now take me into rest. But off it goes. Like a fireball from a cannon. This brain again.
Has everything been covered Lord? Did I forget something? Is there another option? Is this enough? The rambling list of thoughts spiral, jumping from one seemingly-critical consideration to another. How they all compete and elbow themselves into the prominence of my thoughts. And a realisation emerges. I’m no longer praying about these things, I’m simply talking to myself. I need you Lord. In the thick of this over-active mind, I know I have a choice. To allow this hamster wheel to keep on turning at ever-increasing speed. Or to slow the carousel of circling thoughts.
Lord come and invade right now. Come and descend upon me. Cover me. You are my leader. Would you lead me into rest? Help me to lay all these worries at your feet. Help me to see you, feel you and be with you in this moment. As I set my eyes on you, my breathing eases, my mind calms and my peace starts to arise. Like a blanket of assurance, you wrap yourself around me. And in this place of security, with a still small voice, then you speak. I hear you.
I’ve done all you’ve shown me. You’ve given me what I have needed every day. Some days it was courage. On others it was skill. And today it was focus. You have known and somehow helped me navigate the jungle of demands to arrive at this place. Suddenly I see your footprints in the sand of the journey behind me. All that’s needed – in the here and now, is accomplished. Tomorrow is another day, but I can see you’ve already walked it. Those footprints, also lead me to the future. So I can leave tomorrow with you too.
Even these few words are like lavender on my pillow. Bringing the reassurance that I am held by the All Knowing One. So I make my choice. I’ve honoured everything you’ve said. So now I hand all this over to you. As long as I honour and obey you, I know you will do the rest. And suddenly, in this place of security, the outcome doesn’t seem to matter. What matters is I know you are in control. So I declare I trust you, whatever happens next.
And as I do, the greatest fulfillment falls upon me. In this moment of unity, I feel your approval, your satisfaction and the smile in your eyes. Because I am home. This is the reward. The only reward I will ever need. You. We face tomorrow, together.